Tag: relationships

The Guilt Trip Trap

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ Leave a comment

While I have already shared my sure-fire recipe for success for New Year’s resolutions, the new year is also a great time for reflecting on some of life’s “haunts,” as well. Those things that we let plague us in one way or another, diminishing our overall quality of life. And today I want to visit a very common one. Most women I know—and many men, too—are on a long voyage of sorts within their lives: the Guilt Trip—and I don’t mean the Rogen/Streisand movie currently at the theaters.

All fall short.
All fall short.

This blog is anchored in acknowledging and sharing—and perhaps even finding some community in—that juggle struggle that so many of us are mired in. Frequently along with that struggle comes a big, fat dose of guilt. Come on…you know what I’m talking about…That grand feeling that you are shortchanging EVERYTHING in your life. Need to work? Fine, but your kids aren’t going to be this age forever, you know. Quality time with the kids? Great. Guess that report will have to wait another day. What lovely weather—let’s go downtown! So…it looks like cleaning out the garage will have to wait until next weekend…or the next…or…

It is an endless series of trade-offs where something that should be getting attention…doesn’t. It’s where phrases like “Mom, you said ‘soon’ a while ago…but when are you really going to be done?” and “We are way passed deadline on this project” get pasted into a lovely scrapbook of “Not Enough.” And if you cannot relate to this scenario that I am trying to illustrate, then you are reading the wrong post, my friend. As for me, if guilt were people, I’d be China.

So…I just totally bummed myself out writing this. Is there any hope? Well, there are certainly countless places where you can find information on time management and organization, and many have some very helpful tips and ideas that can indeed result in better use of time. But I have yet to find an escape from this Guilt Trip I’m on. So why am I even writing on this then? Because I want to share with you a saving grace that I try to remind myself of when I feel particularly pulled in the juggle struggle: It’s okay. You are blessed to have so many tugs in life. Don’t let it push you over the Insanity Cliff. Maybe to the edge…but not over. You are still okay even if you universally suck at everything. 

See??? See how that does the trick?? Okay, maybe I won’t win any awards in motivational speaking, but the truth is, it is okay. Really, people. We cannot be all things to all people. hbrnI_SlMa_80Quit trying to kick your own behind. God made it physically impossible to do that to yourself, so why are you trying to go beyond God’s design? All we can do is try and love, and get up tomorrow and try and love some more. So as the start of 2013 makes us magically feel like we have a chance at a clean slate for many things in our lives, let one of them be that it’s okay to fall short. Just get back up and keep trying and loving some more.

Ask Dad. He Knows.

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ 7 Comments
Two cents' worth of shoelaces?
Two cents’ worth of shoelaces?

I fell in love with the movie It’s a Wonderful Life when I was just a little girl. Back then, they showed it numerous times during the holiday season, and it’s a safe estimate to say I’ve seen it close to 100 times…so I’m a tad familiar with it. I think most people are familiar with it, too, as well as the main themes of the movie. The ideas of “Each man’s life touches so many other lives” and “No man is a failure who has friends” are the one-two punches of the movie and still so relevant today.

But there’s lots more to be learned in this lovely movie, too—like don’t ride your shovel onto thin ice…a turntable can make one helluva rotisserie…whispering into someone’s deaf ear is a great way to admit your love without having them know it…it’s best to periodically check the floor when dancing…and the valuable tip from Uncle Billy that has served me so well in life: when drunk and in doubt, choose the middle hat.

Think you might be on your way to deliver poison? Best ask Dad.
Think you might be on your way to deliver poison? Best ask Dad.

Indeed, the film is loaded with life lessons, but there’s one in particular that I want to take a moment with, and the title of this post probably already clued you in. Ask Dad. He knows. When George is presented with the problem of delivering what he knows to be deadly “medicine,” he barges into a meeting and attempts to ask his dad what to do. Of course, later in the film you can connect the dots to know that the dad he really needs to ask about his big problems is The Dad of All, but his earthly one is pretty damned important, too. In fact, when George’s dad dies, it ends up shaping the rest of his life.

When I began my love affair with IAWL as a child, I had no idea the parallels that George Bailey and I would have, with a key one being that my dad died just about the same time of life as Peter Bailey left George. His chances to ask his dad disappeared, as did mine.

And, oh, the things I would have loved to ask my dad…Of course, plenty of serious life issues, but lots of others, too. Like how was “Oh, I trust you, it’s just your date that I don’t trust…” supposed to ever even appear fair? And why didn’t you wear shorts except for swimming? And couldn’t you have used another comparison instead of “poodle” when I got that one perm in junior high?

For the years lived without him, lots of questions from my 20s would have begun, “Dad, why do guys…?” and there’d be the specific one that asked, “What do you think of this guy?” In my 30s, I know one question would have been, “How do you like your new grandson?” And now in my 40s, I still find myself wondering, “what would Dad have thought?” about any variety of things.

But all of these questions are no longer possible to ask. So, my friends, I want to encourage you: if you still can, ask Dad—and ask Mom, too. From the silly to the serious, if you don’t ask…you’ll never know. Don’t let them take too many answers with them. After all, it IS a wonderful life, and the more we learn about and love one another, the better.

Living the Juggle Struggle

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ 3 Comments

Thanks to Bozo Circus, a Chicago area TV show I grew up with, I am acquainted with the fine art of plate spinning. I’m pretty sure it’s a lost art, because I haven’t seen anyone doing it for many years. But the notion of someone taking numerous vertical rods and placing a plate on each of them—where the only reason that they remain atop them is because they are spinning—is a concept that I have metaphorically understood ever since then.

Another thing I learned at a very young age was how to juggle. For some reason, my grade school felt that this was an important skill. Well, not really. But they had this group come in that put on a juggling show and then taught the students how to juggle afterward. I can’t do bowling balls or knives, but I can juggle. In fact, it so impressed my high school gym teacher, that I ended up winning PE Student of the Year my senior year. True story.

From early childhood on, keeping many things going at once became a familiar concept to me, and I’m sure it’s one you can relate to. Many people’s daily agendas are challenged to keep their plates spinning. I call it living the Juggle Struggle.

I work part-time in one world, try to write in another, manage a household in yet another, and finally try to be present in my various relationships, including wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, coworker…and whatever else I’m forgetting.

Yesterday is a relatively typical example of a classic juggling day. Scheduled for jury duty, I first needed to set up an after school “pickup plan” for my son. Thankfully, I have some key friends that I can rely on for help. After that, it’s go-time. Get ready for the day, get the linens in the wash (it’s Wednesday! Linens must get done!), get the kid to school, and head to the courthouse. After several hours waiting in the jury lounge (which I loved because I got to sit and concentrate!), we all got sprung—leaving me just enough time to run and get my son myself (thanks for being there, though, friends!), head off to errands…home to help with homework, make dinner…After, do dishes…make tomorrow’s lunches…you get the idea. Sound familiar? Your itinerary isn’t the same, I’m sure, but I bet the personal twists that make it your own are quite a similar swirl of Have Tos and Need Tos. My little rundown of my day here isn’t to whine about it (though that is a reality sometimes, as is wine. Doesn’t whine always go better with wine?) The point is that this is everyone’s every day. We all struggle to juggle it all.

In this blog, I want to share some of my struggle and connect with yours, because I’ve learned that this helps. It helps me to know that others are dealing with the same kinds of swirlies that I am, and I hope it helps you, too (or is at least worth your time to read).