Tag: struggle

Moving into Alignment

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ 2 Comments

On the cusp of discarding 2025 (tabernak!) …it’s time for me to share (for the 13th time!) what my word or frame is heading into the new year. Last year I wrote about living my season of “Yes, and…No,” and yes, I did get the tattoos…

And this year’s word is a natural byproduct of continuing to live in this season. Ongoing discernment of the choices I make and why I make them is leading me to an internal reality that is this year’s word: alignment.

I mean…it’s not quite as simple as that. It’s been a year.

My original grand “project” was to tackle a few internal challenges in the ongoing work-in-progress that is me, “do the work,” as they say, and come out on the other side the better for it. Turns out I don’t live in a vacuum, though, and other people had their own Projects (2025, anyone?) and our world got even more seriously fucked up.

My plan shifted to simply trying to make it through the day. Day after heart-and-soul-assaulting day. My prescient nightmare had a sequel that was a compounded level of scary that rocked me to my core.

Amidst that fear, though, the work—in the beginning, without purposeful, conscious intention—continued. It was as if, in order to endure the initial shockwaves of our “new world order,” my subconscious was sifting and sorting through my own personal sieve all the crap of the world that was enabling or letting this shit happen…and things started falling away.

[This is the point where I think, Hmm…I may be sharing a little more of my crazy than the average girl, but… oh, well! If I’m the only one feeling this way, then…you’ve learned a new perspective, and if not—well, then maybe we’ve connected.]

I knew I had to will my overwhelmed self to roll up my sleeves and actively work the sieve. While the results of the work my subconscious managed on her own were fully aligned—I needed to consciously examine key tenets and beliefs so that I could claim them as mine or eschew them because they were not aligned with my heart and soul. I wanted to fully own this sifting that felt like a now nonnegotiable process.  

Full disclosure: it was painful. Institutions…people…that I once thought were built on a foundation of solid, dependable rock were revealed to have footings in quicksand. Things I believed in all my life no longer mean the same or hold true. At least for me. And darn if that doesn’t have a wild ripple effect. Wild.

But what is left…well, that is fully aligned with…me.

Just what does that mean, though?

It doesn’t mean that I’ve done away with anything or anyone who doesn’t agree with me. I believe our inability to work through differences is a big part of our problem—though I do hold exception for certain “camps” of disagreement. For some, I just…can’t…Closed heart/closed mind…we done.

What it does mean is that that which is within me is aligned. What I believe. What I hold true. The tenets I follow. The integrity I hold. The truths I uphold. Mine.

There’s a lot more to be said about the “guts” of what I’m really talking about, but you just stopped by for a few hundred words, so I won’t go deep. (You’re welcome.) But in the “both things can be true” category, it has made for a great upheaval within me but also a peaceful resolve—and has helped bring about personal clarity during a time of tremendous chaos.  

And I’m not done—I don’t think I’ll ever be. It seems ongoing, this tending to alignment—like going to a soul chiropractor when something feels out of whack.

Finally, while it may sound like this is all inward-facing work (or navel-gazing, for the critics)—I think this clarity results in me being better connected to others, too—something we hear over and again is so critical during these challenging times. And I’m so very grateful for this.

So…yeah…it’s been a year. And while alignment may not be what is at the top of your list for 2026, whatever the case—I do hope that your year is full of health, hope, laughter, and love. (And also…Go Bears!)

A Different Kind of FraGeeLay

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ 2 Comments

“Good Lord…she’s not going to make her annual FraGeeLay post political…is she?”

Full disclosure: There’s little I can talk about in any depth that isn’t touched by the impact and turmoil of our days.

Go Bears! Westside Improv!

I think that might be the end of the list…

But no—I’m not going to “be” political—I’m just going to be.

In last year’s post, I was worried…

”…even though this is Christmas Eve…I find it extremely difficult not to feel as though we are on a precipice leading to an even more dire time in our history.”

Huh. Nailed it.

This year…my heart, mind, and soul have been dealt consecutive, concurrent concussions for nearly a year (only a year?) from the tumult of our new reality.

I’m thinking you can relate.

So, this feels like a very different kind of FraGeeLay. If you are like me, you find yourself living a “two track life”—where your heart is breaking every day because of new injustices or hurts, and…you also have to get groceries into the house. Where there is an ongoing, deep tenderness but also a numbness that seems to wash over if the tender is too much—like some sort of weird defense system. It’s all a lot—and all the time.  

These are tough days.

And we all need to take care of ourselves and monitor what we let into our world in order to work on our mental health. But I do have a plea to make, if you are someone who is choosing to shut everything out for this reason: please don’t. Not so that you don’t know what is going on. Don’t stick your head in the sand. You need to know. Take care of yourself, but…you need to know what is going on in our world. Find a way that works to stay healthy—but please…also stay informed…hopefully from fair, unbiased sources. And then act as you are able.

You know…ostriches don’t stick their heads in the sand when afraid or in danger. They are actually tending to their nests when they are poking in the sand! And when they’re afraid? They can run as fast as 40mph and kick hard enough to kill a lion.1 Now that’s how you ostrich, baby.

But I digress.

These FraGeeLay posts are always about being gentle with one another and trying to take a moment to take in the good stuff…and in this 14th (!) one, I still know how important all of that is…even though I’m finding everything harder. Guess that makes it all the more important.

I’m trying. I hope you are, too.

I wish you all the best that the holidays have to offer you and those you love…

And may we all weather the storms of our lives and share in the joy of the sunrise when the storm has finally passed.

I’m Branching Out…a Bit

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ Leave a comment

As you may have well noticed over the years…I’m not posting like I used to…and when I do, it’s not like it was from years ago. I have posted a few pieces on Substack, and I aim to bring you along by importing my subscribers from here to there. You may receive something about that in the not too distant future, and if you don’t want to come along for the ride, I respect that and thank you for the follow here.

My latest post is Will Some Very Important Americans Finally SNAP Out of It? if you would like to take a peek.

No matter what…thank you.

I’m not sure of the future of The Juggle Struggle. I have to do some thinking, and I’m not very good at that these days…but I have always appreciated those of you who have taken the time to read my words and see my heart.

It matters to me greatly.

Frageelay – A Baker’s Dozen

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ Leave a comment

For the thirteenth Christmas Eve(ish) post in my “Frageelay series,” I find myself at a bit of a loss in what direction to take. Honestly, I’m trying to be in the Christmas spirit, but the state of our world makes it very challenging. I look back on previous Frageelay posts and smile at what was a kind of sweet optimism and faith that–if I still have–must be lost somewhere in a closet I need to reorganize.

Merry Christmas, right?

Sorry–I don’t mean to be bleak at a festive time. I’m grateful for my family and friends and for the love and meaning these relationships bring to my life–and I’m particularly grateful for the love and laughter that comes from spending time in a wonderful community (shoutout Westside!) that continually brings out the best in people.

But even though this is Christmas Eve(ish), I’m not going to sugarcoat the reality that we have either actively created or passively allowed our world to be pretty f’ed up. I find it extremely difficult not to feel as though we are on a precipice leading to an even more dire time in our history. SO…with THAT twinkle of Christmas joy, let me point you back to last year’s more coherent piece that is still true for me today.

And wherever you may be–full of hope or struggling–may your holidays be full of the love and warmth that will give you the strength to strive to make tomorrow a better day.

Frageelay Numero Dodici

What No Longer Serves

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ 3 Comments

There is something about a new year that feels “blank slate” and offers up a chance to set lofty goals—at least that’s how I approached 2023 in choosing integrate as my word of the year. Reflecting on it, I have actually made some progress…but have a lifetime of practicing to go.

This year’s word is an intimate glimpse into that practicing, and since vulnerability is a part of the practice, too, here goes…

Everybody has their issues, challenges, and history of hurts, and my personal story includes having a clinically diagnosed narcissist with borderline personality disorder for a mother. She passed a few years ago, and this is by no means an attempt to “disparage the dead” but—let’s just say it didn’t make for a lot of easy laughs and unconditional love. My mom was privately explosive and unkind, which created a hypervigilance in me to do my best not to trip her trigger.

You’re probably thinking, “Good Lord, Lisa…where is this going? It’s a word of the year, for crimony’s sake!” I know, I know. I’m getting there.

My mom lived to a ripe old age, and I was a seasoned professional at walking on eggshells and trying to manage circumstances to appease her. Eventually, I got into therapy and started learning, among other things, that it wasn’t my job to try and make her happy. But intellectually learning something and internally letting go of practices that kept me safe as a kid (but are no longer needed) are two very different things. One is easy…the other…not so much.

I noticed many years ago that I am almost always clenching a muscle somewhere in my body. Subconsciously, I create a physical tension—perhaps part of my hypervigilance to always be ready. It’s exhausting. When I recognize that I’m doing it, I literally make myself stop and let go. And I am now understanding more clearly how I do the same internally, as well. I am coiled and ready to spring into action at any moment to make sure landmines are averted. It, too, is exhausting. But guess what? The landmines are gone—and even if they aren’t—they are not my responsibility.

Which finally brings me to my word of the year…

I see 2024 as a year to add to my practice of trying to be a better human being the discipline of release. The release of actions that no longer serve me or the people I love. I’m not fully sure what that means or how to do it, but I know that when I find myself walking on eggshells or managing landmines, I need to stop and recognize I’ve retired from that job. And I need to let go of the resentment that comes along as part of the package at no extra charge. Just like I do when I tell myself to relax a clenched muscle, I need to release myself from the constraints of well-worn patterns and emotionally “relax.”

As I’ve shared before, my word of the year often falls right into my lap, but this year, as I was reflecting on what my word might be, other synonyms came and went before release settled in…unravel, uncoil, unwind, and unfold all spoke to me in different ways. When “unfold” was speaking up, it of course made me think of Steven Curtis Chapman’s song that has touched me deeply at other times of my life.

No matter what shape your faith life is in or where it falls on the “spiritual spectrum,” I think you will appreciate this video. While it is about a “Glorious Unfolding,” it is also the beautiful gift of a father releasing his daughter from grief and encouraging her to live her life to the fullest. It is just the kind of release I am striving for.

It’s a good thing I love learning because it seems there is always homework to do. But I am grateful to have this life to keep working on all of it.

May your 2024 be a year of practicing release of what isn’t helping, embracing what is, and being able to know the difference between the two.  

Frageelay Numero Dodici

~ Lisa Ancona-Roach ~ 2 Comments

For twelve years I’ve been putting out a post around Christmas Eve that speaks to the fragile nature of this season…and life. When I first started writing my annual “frageelay” piece, I was busy juggling being the parent of a young kid, the daughter of a (very demanding) older parent, work that led up to a major crescendo on Christmas Eve, and hosting a decent-sized gathering on the 25th. Add in parties, in-person gift shopping, cookie exchanges, playdates, Christmas cards, school concerts…you get the idea.

And now? Well, let’s just say I have arrived at a different season of life. The kid is no longer young, the parent has passed, work still has a ton going on but it’s different and healthier, and the family gathering has shrunk and moved up on the calendar. Covid did in many of the traditional parties (though thankfully not all!), and my shopping is nearly all online. There are no formal cookie exchanges, my kid takes care of his own “playdates,” and I—like so many of us—have ceased writing Christmas cards.

Some might think this different season sounds sad. The truth is…I love it. Of course, there are some things I miss in the crazy of the earlier years—my little drummer boy banging away in concert, his wobbly but wholehearted voice singing of Jesus’ birth, and of course his delight at seeing what Santa left under the tree. I am grateful for those memories. As I am the laughs and good times shared with family and friends under the glow of Christmas lights.

I love having those memories. But I love making the new memories that come with this different time of life. Our new tradition of a smaller family get-together earlier in the season means that I get to exhale and enjoy so much of what I missed scurrying along trying to get everything done in previous years. I get to be a little.

Years ago, I got hit with a 24-hour stomach bug on Christmas Eve. Because of how Christmas fell on a Saturday that year, I was able to push it to Sunday with everyone still able to attend. Due to my barely having my legs back under me, I was not interested in eating the traditional Italian spread that I make, but I was so glad it could work out and everyone could still be together.

“You, know, Lis…I’m sorry you were sick and all, but yesterday was awesome,” my sister said. “Because it was a last-minute cancelation, all we did was stay in our PJs and order Chinese. It was wonderful.” I think I responded with a sarcastic, “I’m so glad that my sickness worked out for you…,” but the truth was that I wanted that, too. I wanted my PJs and Chinese food Christmas Day, and…flash forward to now…if we choose it, we get it. Last year, we ordered sushi on Christmas Day—wonderful indeed.

Perhaps this season of life will evolve into something different someday. If a grandkid or two or five enters the picture, it will all be a new and wonderful kind of crazy that I will welcome with anticipatory delight. What a blessed season that will be.

But who knows what the future will bring? Life is fragile—and decidedly unfair. My son is only six months younger than I was when I lost my dad. That is crazy for me to think about when I look at him and know how I hope for many more decades for the three of us to have each other in our lives.

I pray for a long and healthy season in this regard.

What I have learned through the years, though, is that there is a way to see to it that the people you love feel loved during this holiday season (and pretty much every day) without killing yourself in the process—in fact they prefer it! And…they would also like you to be able to feel the love right back.

I certainly don’t have a lock on all this, but I am learning. And this is what I hope for you—that you stay on (or find!) the path that’s paved with love that goes both ways—with occasional moments of joy and peace (as much as you can possibly swing!) added in for good measure.

Because life is frageelay…so it’s best if we handle with care.