Something That I Used to Know

Gone are the days when I would sit in a darkened theater to watch movies in order to analyze and write about them for a grade. (Those were…the days.) I loved the flicker of the projector as I was whisked into yet another story of suspense, or love, or…body snatching.

Yes, I had to watch both the 1956 and 1978 versions of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And, like so much of my life, I kind of remember them…but then again…not so much.

This is because I am living my own non-cinematic nightmare called the invasion of the memory snatchers.

And I know that I am not alone.

Though I can’t remember who all is with me.

But we are a big group.

Just don’t ask us a bunch of questions with too many specifics because the odds are we will not know the answers.

Are you with me? Would you remember if you were?

 

 

I joke that my mind is a steel…sieve…because too much drains out these days.

This wasn’t always the case. I can actually remember being frustrated as a kid because I remembered things that no one else did, and I was kind of hurt that no one else seemed to care to remember them, too. What a naïve, silly little knucklehead I was.

 

 

I was pretty rock solid in the memory category until about…oh, pregnancy? I recall reading an article while I was in my first or second trimester about how pregnancy actually diminishes memory and attention span. I was hoping to read how it would all come back to me after I had my baby, but…I got distracted and never finished the article.

But I can tell you…it doesn’t. At least not for me.

Now I find myself uttering, “If I could remember half of what I’ve learned, I’d be really smart…” because I know I don’t know all that I used to know, you know?

I can, however, distinguish the different ways that my memory is failing me…like…

1. When I know I knew something before but can’t recall it at all now except to know that I did indeed used to know it.
   “I remember that I spent a whole semester on that in college, but I don’t recall anything about it. I think I liked the class, though.”
2. When I can recall parts of something but not enough to make any sense or be of help.
   “Oh…I remember that book! That was the one with the guy who had the dog, and then I think they may have traveled west. Or—wait—maybe it was a ferret he had. And there was no traveling except that a traveling circus came to town? Or maybe it was the dog who had the ferret? Yeah. That’s it. I’m pretty sure the dog had a ferret. Or was it a goldfish?”
3. When something I want to share has crossed my mind, but I have no idea if I’ve actually given it voice beyond the chaos of my own head.
   “Did I say this out loud to you?” My poor husband hears this multiple times a day. I think I must envision telling him, and then I can’t distinguish between the intent to tell him and the reality. The fact that I can’t differentiate between the two “realities” is…more than mildly disconcerting.
4. And the absolute worst…when I don’t even remember that I knew something or said something.
   “I really said that? I have absolutely no recollection of this. Are you sure it was me??” This is super unnerving to me no matter what—and especially so when what I’m being told I said makes no sense to me. Then it feels not only like invasion of the memory snatchers, but the mind snatchers, too!

I think there are other ways that my memory is failing me, but I can’t remember what they are.

I am not alone in this, right? Right?? I mean, I can’t remember the last time I was talking with someone who felt as though their memory wasn’t on the blink in some way. (Of course, the fact that I can’t remember is a really weak point to make after I outlined how poor my memory is, but…you know what I mean. Quit being difficult.)

 

 

And—if I correctly recall what I’ve read—menopause works a number on a woman’s memory, too. Something to look forward to! Woohoo!

Hey…do guys have anything anatomically sabotaging their memories?! Women have a possible double whammy with pregnancy and menopause…what’s up with that??

I’m sure that if I ever learn the answer to that it won’t be something I soon forget. Just like in that one movie with the girl who’s also on that TV show with the lawyer? And she discovers that her dad was the one who made the thing? You know the movie I’m talking about, right? It’s a really good one. I think you’d like it.

 

All photos are my own.

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