Reclaiming the Other F Word

“Oh, you’re one of those…” is a phrase I hear more often than I would ever expect to in this day and age. See, I’m a hyphenator. I chose to hyphenate my last name when I got married, and according to the kinds of responses I sometimes get, that makes me “difficult.”

That’s right—I wanted to keep my family name along with taking my husband’s last name. Pretty crazy, I know. But I never thought that that choice would carry with it a judgment for some people—and a negative one at that.

While women may have “come a long way, baby,” we still have a lot further to go. As I was thinking about this today, I decided to YouTube the old Virginia Slims commercial that made that phrase so popular. Ironically, the expression that came to symbolize women’s progress is merely trying to capitalize on making women want to smoke feminine cigarettes and be sexy while doing it. Progress indeed.

In my lifetime, I’ve learned that I better be careful in calling myself a feminist. That in doing so, it made me “anti-male” and bitchy. Though there may be a small contingent of women who call themselves feminists and claim that women are the superior gender, all I ever wanted was equality—as most feminists do. The only “anti” I am is anti-discrimination. If men were making less than women, having laws telling them what they can and can’t do with their bodies, being restricted from education in parts of the world, or dealing with the pervasiveness of sexual assault, I would be against that, too.

I am so happy to see the movement toward taking away the negative connotations of the word feminism and reclaiming it as the movement toward gender equality.

Emma Watson—the woman who brought the amazing Hermoine Granger to life—spoke so eloquently on this to the United Nations (that’s right, the U.N., baby!) As the U.N. Women Goodwill Ambassador, she is launching a campaign called HeForShe where the goal is to empower both women and men to be who they are and to be treated equally. Simply put, she’s awesome.

The video is over 12 minutes, but…if you’ve got the time, it’s definitely worth a listen.



Another campaign that strives to empower young women is Always’ Like a Girl campaign. If you haven’t seen the video, check it out:



It shows the subtle—or not so subtle—undercutting of gender that happens without thought…and how young girls and boys can get the message that “like a girl” means “less than.”

I experienced a real life demonstration of how this message gets absorbed by young women over the summer. Every year we go to a beautiful place in the Northwoods of Wisconsin where we see other vacationing families every year. Because I only get a glimpse of these folks annually, it is fun to see how the kids grow from year to year. But this past summer disturbed me a great deal. Girls who had only last year been happy to take to the softball field in a boys vs girls game and give it their best effort were now acting incapable and flighty. One girl let a ball roll right by her and said she didn’t want to break a nail…seriously. And, much to my dismay, that kind of behavior was consistent throughout the week.

What had happened in a year? Somehow they got the message that being strong and athletic was not feminine or desirable. It broke my heart because I knew that it had only been the previous summer that they were embracing their strength—and now they were not only downplaying it, but denying it.

When I see homecoming photos posted on Facebook of lovely groups of young women—all wearing pretty much the exact same barely mid-thigh dress, give or take the color—I realize how strong the pressure must be to meet society’s current expectations of the popular woman. Good luck trying to find a dress for that age that strays from the “standard”—and the question arises as to whether it is a case of supply and demand or demand and supply. What’s available in stores “teaches” us what we should look like.

In 2014, the fact that girls are getting the message that it is their fault if they get raped because they were drunk should be inconceivable—but it’s not. So strong is that attitude that the White House has launched a campaign to fight against it:



We’ve got to not only raise our girls to stand strong but raise our boys to embrace that strength and respect it.

Anything less isn’t right. It just isn’t.

People should be paid equally for the same work. People should have sovereignty over their bodies. People should have the opportunity to be educated. People shouldn’t have to worry about being sexually assaulted. People should be respected for who they are and what they do. People should be encouraged to reach their potential. People should be loved, accepted, and valued for who they are—not what they look like.

Replacing the word “women” with “people” makes it really hard to deny, doesn’t it?

That’s the true heart of feminism. That’s what we need to reclaim. That’s what both women and men—what humanity—should strive for. Anything less is just fear trying to keep others down. And we’re better than that, don’t you think?

Well, we should be.

Please note that there may be advertisements below via
The presence of these ads does not constitute endorsement of the information, services, or products found in them.

10 thoughts on “Reclaiming the Other F Word

  1. All valid points, my friend!

    Until women all over the world
    have the basic rights that we
    enjoy in democratic nations,
    I have little hope for true peace
    anywhere. I’m specifically thinking
    of girls who cannot go to school or
    choose who/when they will marry,
    or even feel the wind in their hair
    or sunshine on their skin. To
    change this reality should be the
    new rallying cry of feminists the
    world over…..

    xo Suzanne

  2. Ugh. You are preachin’ to the choir, sister. The thing about breaking a nail in softball made me so sad 😦 I think about this kind of stuff every day! And I like all the F-words 😉 Loud-n-proud!

  3. This is a wonderful educational post on feminism. After reading the comments on my post and reading this, I do understand feminism more. It’s more of what I’ve always referred to as humanism, equal rights for all-men, women, trans, gay, straight, no matter your race or nationality… I do agree with most all of the things you said feminism stands for. I think it’s unfortunate that this particular group of what those who posted on my blog called extreme feminist has destroyed the word for so many. You, and others, say that those who think this way are a small percentage, but whether they are small or large, they are the ones who are getting our attention, they are the ones making their voices heard. That’s unfair to true feminist and it’s unfair to the world, and sadly this is just another example of how broken the world is, society feeds off the negativity, whether it on this issue or another.

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found it worthwhile. Most issues/groups/whatever do tend to have the squeaky fringe garner a lot of the attention. It is unfortunate because–as you say–it isn’t fair to the overall movement or group. I feel this way very strongly about Christianity. Those that shout judgment and division do not represent me, but that is the face of Christianity for a whole lot of people. That’s why–as a feminist, and a Christian, and a whatever else I am–I believe I need to speak up and help to shine the non-fringe light. At least that’s one of my goals!

      1. I never thought of that comparison, but that’s very true. And it’s so sad because Jesus never intended for us to be judgmental. For more being a Christian, means I believe in God and that I am called to love all his people, without judgement, no matter what.

Feel free to share your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s